Free the Leash Kids!

I've observed a growing epidemic in our society today. Parents too chicken to discipline their children, too nervous to leave them at home, and too lacking in pride to care whether or not they come off as insane to others. Enter the Leash Kid.

The leash kid is most frequently a boy between the ages of 2 and 5 tethered to his mother by a leash disguised as a monkey backpack with an extra long tail for holding. Ironically, being tethered to one's mother seems only to make these kids want to run more than if they were free to come and go as they pleased. This results in kids wrapping their whole bodies extremely tightly around fire extinguishers and throwing themselves on the ground and roll around as if they were trying to extinguish fire from their clothes.

While at the mall the other day, I saw a kid pulling on his leash so hard, he was nearly dragging his mom through the center court. Something must be done about this. No longer can we sit back and laugh at the kids stripped of their basic freedoms. Now is the time to act. It's time to cut the leashes and allow the children of America to rejoin their rightful place in society and run free from their nagging mothers.